What habits are forming you?
A new year has recently started, which means many of us have thought about resolutions for the new year. Lots of those are really about forming new habits, but in this blog post I want to look at it from the other perspective: it’s not just us that form habits. It’s our habits that form us.
Who’s forming who?
When we form a habit, it’s because we want something (like being fitter), so we decide something (to get fit) and then do something about it (exercise or eating better). Desire leads to decision, which leads to action, which leads to positive change.
But if we’re not careful about our habits, we end up ruled by them, whether they’re good or not. Those sorts of habits still change us, but not always for the better…
Are there things you do every day that you never really decided to do, but are affecting you negatively? Perhaps you spend longer than you’d like to admit scrolling on social media, and it’s making you more disconnected and anxious? Or do you check your bank balance over and over again and it’s making you more worried about finance? Or maybe you’re quicker to complain than to celebrate, and it’s making you more bitter? You don’t quite know when or why it started, but if you’re honest you know it’s not doing you any favours.
Good advice to be formed by good habits
We probably all slip into that sort of thing once in a while, so it’s good to take stock. And to help us do that, I want to share some thoughts from an older man in the Bible (Paul) writing to a younger man (Timothy). What he has to say touches on this idea of habits and being formed by good ones. You can read all of it here in 1 Timothy 4:6-16, but I want to pull out four tips for us as we think about what shapes us and how we let it do so.
1. Get rid of things that aren’t helping
‘Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly.’ (v7)
Timothy was a Christian leader with a job to do. He could chase after things that might be interesting or fun or entertaining, and might even be popular with others. But Paul knew that would be a waste of his time. If he was going to grow up in the ways he needed, he had to jettison everything that wouldn’t get him there. So are there things you do every day that are actually just a distraction? Is it an app? A TV show? A line of thinking you keep going down? Maybe not bad things, but distractions nonetheless. Is there something that is forming you that just needs to go?
2. Focus on things that really matter
‘For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.’ (v8)
Paul is comparing physical and spiritual growth. And overall, spiritual wins! Our bodies do matter and we should care for them, which is why he says training them is of value. But our bodies will one day fade away, where the impact of a life lived how God intends can be eternal. So what matters most? I want to suggest a spiritual dimension that invites God in can matter more than anything else ever will, so perhaps you want to explore that this year? But don’t let lesser things become the main thing.
3. Set an example to others
‘Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.’ (v12)
This isn’t just advice for young people like Timothy! To motivate him to grow in all these areas of his life (speech, conduct, love, faith and purity), Paul reminds Timothy that others are watching him. He led others, and really most of us do that in one way or another. We all have spheres of influence and people who see how we behave. The habits and decisions we let form us have a knock-on effect on them, too. So maybe to motivate a stock check of your own habits, you could think about the kind of example you want to set your kids, your neighbours, your colleagues, or whoever that is for you.
4. Really focus on growing
‘Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress.’ (v15)
Just before saying this, Paul has told Timothy to focus on the specific tasks he has to do. And just after, he says to ‘watch your life…closely’. And in between those things (to form the right habits, and then to keep a close eye on them), Paul tells Timothy to be ‘diligent’ and to give himself ‘wholly’ to them. So Paul isn’t just saying to have a go at something and hope it helps. He’s telling him to be deliberate and intentional, to really take a look in the mirror, to make a plan and to stick to it. And the result should be that he makes progress (again, seen by others). Do you need to make a plan, to set some habits that are actually in line with good (perhaps event Godly) goals for your life? To really focus on growing and what will get you there?
So, what about it?
So, what is forming you? And is it something you decided on, or is it a distraction or second best? Is who you’re becoming someone you want others to see? Are you really deliberate in giving yourself wholly to the things you know are right and good, or are you coasting and hoping for the best? These words from Paul can help us set our sails in the right direction and really start to press forward. So perhaps you could take some time to take stock. Drop some habits. Start new ones. Make some decisions. Set some goals.
But make sure your habits are intended. Otherwise the unintended ones will form you anyway.